Sunday, June 28, 2009

Second Best

Hey sorry for the long no-update. You see, after my fun, albeit tiring, excursion to repair houses for the underpriveleged in Kentucky, I had to spend a week playing my trumpet for 5 hours a day at band camp down at U of I, and then jet off to Las Vegas where I proceeded to do nothing because I am, in fact, too young to gamble, drink, visit strip clubs, you know, fun activities like that.

So today, I'm writing about a personal matter. Please excuse me if this gets too rant-ish.

I have an older sister. Two years older. A girl who I used to admire and respect, even though she drove me crazy. In the past year, however, I've come so close to just completely leaving my house because of her. Let me explain why.

First off, she's gorgeous. Naturally. She wears the ugliest outfits, but she has long straight hair and her boobs are huge and her face is small and pretty. Obviously, she gets all the guy attention. Which would be alright, except for the fact that she always dates younger than her. More specifically, the guy who is the same age as me that I had the most insane crush on for almost two years. I don't like him anymore, thank goodness, but I still get to see his face everyday thanks to the fact that EVERY SINGLE GUY in my grade likes her. And she picked him.

Second, along with the guy attention, she also gets the girl attention. She doesn't have many friends, and because of her young boyfriend, she hangs out with my friends and me all the time. Awesome. So everytime she's around, they completely ignore me. Even my best friend, who's in the same boat as I am with this sister thing, acts like she likes my sister more than me.

The thing is, though, I don't like her as a person. Not because she's my sister. Even if she wasn't, I would despise her. She has no depth. She is the shallowest person I know. I believe you can tell a lot about a person by their music taste, and her two favorite bands are Blink 182 and Weezer; bands that sing about sex and drugs and nothing of substance. She just turned 18 yesterday (happy birthday) and she wants to get a tatoo of (guess what?) the Blink 182 symbol. How ridiculous.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because I spent two of my three weeks away with her. ASP, the church mission trip, was spent with my church youth group, of which she is the only senior. There were five boys who went and they all followed her around like lost puppies. And most of them were my age or younger. And even in Las Vegas, we brought our 30 year old female cousin along, and all they did was make fun of me and rag on me. I sort of expected that, but it still brought me down. She's always the favorite. I'm just trying to accept my role as Second Best. That's just the way I see it.

I kept telling myself, only two months till she leaves for college. But I'm not sure if I can stand two more months of her. My friend invited me to go to Minnesota with some other friends, and one of her friends also is going up there, and he invited her. I didn't really realize until now that I'm going to have to deal with her for 10 days flirting with this kid who is newly single, and befriending all of my friends while I mope around and make them hate me more.

I'm just hoping karma comes through for me.

Alright. I'm out. Sorry for the long, annoying post.

Friday, June 5, 2009


Tomorrow morning I'm leaving to go on a mission trip with my church called Appalachia Service Project. Basically, it's where we go down to Kentucky or Tenneesee for a week and work on renovating old houses from families below the poverty level. I went on this last year, too.

You always hear stories of families or groups going down to somewhere, like Louisiana, or Haiti or something and helping out. For those who haven't experience something like that, it's nothing special. They think, "Well I don't have the money or resources to do that." But there are plenty of groups that will set things up for you.

Going to help people in poverty is like no other experience. Last year, we had the nicest family. We were to replace their roof, and even though we really didn't get as much done as we could have, the family really enjoyed our company. Both the wife and the husband's birthday was that week, so we bought cakes from WalMart for them. Talking to them, you would never even think they were trapped in poverty. The last day, we didn't have the materials we needed, so we spent the whole day talking to them. They made us an amazing Southern lunch, even though we're told not to let our families make us lunch. They insisted. The experience was completely life-changing. I know one of the girls on my team was crying when we left because she was going to miss them so much.

Why am I telling you this? Because before I went on ASP, I was just like some of you are. I'd hear the stories about people helping other people, and be all fired up to help for about a minute or so, and then go back to living my privileged life. After going on ASP, I realized that helping others is beneficial for the helper, too. You learn to appreciate the things you're given more. To think that a family living in a trailer with a sink that does't work and a house that's falling apart is happy and friendly. It makes you really feel bad when you complain.

I'm really looking forward to next week. I don't know what our families will be like, but I hope they can show me a new perspective toward life.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


I don't understand. Humans always seem to hem and haw and edge around touchy subjects. Why don't we just flat out say what we want to say? Especially in high school, you hear stories about guys and girls that like each other but have done nothing about/haven't made a move yet. Why doesn't one of them just go up and say "Hey, I like you"? It would make things so much simpler.

It is nice; the chase. But it's nicer not to have to spend so much time trying to get one person, when you can just flat out hear their feelings. Unfortunately, one person is hardpressed to start this movement because humans are so accustomed to not hearing the entire, straightforward truth. They hear it through the grapevine, or through subtle hints. If one person started being extremely forward, he or she would most likely be shunned.

I propse a movement of forwardness. I propose the next time you want to tell someone something, you do it. Do those random urges, no matter how weird. Don't live your life regretting things you should have done.

But which is worse? Regret for something you didn't do, or regret for something that you did do and it went wrong? For me, it's the latter, which is why, perhaps, I don't take as many chances as I should.

I was recently at my sister's graduation, and the principal gave a speech. She's friendly and young, and she quoted a Nickelback song:

"If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?"

After she said those lyrics, I was ready to do anything. I was ready to go out in the world and tell everyone what I've been holding back. Sadly, that feeling left during the boring speeches and endless calling-of-names. Every so often, I try to recapture that feeling and live life as if I have nothing to lose. It's a good philosophy.